Fun with Craigslist job scams
So, in the process of looking for a new job, I’ve stumbled on a rewarding new hobby… scam baiting.
Anyone who’s been on CL knows it’s a wretched hive of porn links, data mining, identity theft and phishing scams. I’d like to think there are a few legitimate jobs on there, but the ones I usually see are always promising “Make $400 a day working from home” or “New position opening soon in your area- act now!” Even to the uninitiated, they’re obvious crap.
A few weeks ago, I posted a brief blurb in the resumes section, listing my general job qualifications but no specific info. Since then, I’ve been getting a minimum of 4-5 responses a day to my job-seeking ad- the only problem is, not a single one of them has been genuine. Not one. I get a lot of “are you ready to start working for us soon?” and “we have an exciting opportunity for you”, and of course the requisite “please send your resume and credit report”. Bitch, please.
As a result, I’ve created a new, generic yahoo email account to use in replying to these… solicitations. For those unfamiliar with Craigslist, the free classified site (to their credit) doesn’t force you to show your email in your ads. Viewers see a masked ‘reply to’ address, and the site forwards any responses to your email address on file.
The scam emails show up in my inbox several times a day. At first I was just deleting them, but soon I realized that I was foolishly denying myself the amusement of blasting stunningly crass responses to scam perpetrators. Like most people online, I love sending a good flame- but it’s rare to get a chance to vent on someone who actually deserves it. But when some asshole emails me about some bogus job in an attempt to steal my personal information – or worse, to lure me into some scam to get my money – now I seize the opportunity. I’m delighted to let fly with all my snark.
Here’s a good example- a message I received today. To the naive, it might seem harmless, or even promising:
Greetings,
We are done accepting applications and we would very much like to bring to your attention that we will have a position available within the next couple days. Are you going to be ready to begin working here soon? We do require a drug test and a recent credit score so that we are able to list you with our insurance. Please print your score from a source we recommend you use Here and sent it to us in addition to a drivers license to prove your eligible to work. Our human resources will call shortly.
$fullname
Hiring Manager
Nortel International, Inc.
Sadly, this person is really hoping to steal my personal info, to use it for god knows what- ruin my credit by opening accounts with my social security number, apply for a bunch of services in my name, or something similarly sinister. The fact that the email name is different than the name in the address is a dead giveaway. So are the total lack of any real information and the fact that they promise to call shortly despite the fact that I never sent my number. But the real kicker is the request for my credit report. In IL, as in many states, that’s illegal even for legitimate employers.
And so, the venting, flaming fun commences. Here’s one of my early replies:
Dear “hiring manager”,
Go fuck yourself. Didn’t you read my post? I specifically said NO SCAMS. You must be a bastard, because anyone with a good family wouldn’t spend their time trying to steal from people looking for work. Or perhaps your parents were thieves too? What do you see when you look in the mirror, whore?Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live an honest life? You’ll die a miserable person.
Of course, it’s enormously gratifying to send an email like this to someone who deserves it- and more importantly, someone I don’t know and will never meet, who’s using a fake name to try to steal from me.
Quickly, however, I became bored with simply insulting these people. I soon realized it would be much more productive to actually waste their time, baiting them with generic nonsense similar to their own…
Hi, thanks for your email! I’m very excited about working with you, and I am available this week. Please let me know some details about the position. As you may be aware, there are a lot of scams on craigslist, so I’m glad to finally hear from someone like you offering real opportunity for me. Please let me know your company’s name and the details of the job- I’ll send you any information you need. Thanks!
Of course, any information I send is fake too, just linking to other scams, or links to highly offensive and troubling porn sites. In the coming days, I’ll be sharing some of the fun I’ve had drawing out scam-artists online. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Dear ex- sorry I haven’t returned your important call…
Sorry I haven’t called you back- I know we have years of history together, and I know you demanded that I supply you with friendship.
The trouble is, you’re not a friend to me. You’re a piss-poor excuse for a friend to anyone.
Friends care about each other- you do not care about anyone but yourself.
Friends listen, they don’t wait for any chance to make every conversation about themselves. It’s a give and take, bitch, not a take-take-take.
I watched for years, drying your self-obsessed tears and waiting for you to grow up. All the while, you became a worse and worse person, not better.
I understand that your stripping hobby gets you attention, and attention is like crack to you. You only need friends when that supply of attention is interrupted.
We’re all sorry to hear that you have problems getting boys to call you back after you fuck them. Maybe you should tell THEM how smart and fun you are.
Keep telling facebook how great your life is- only your old friends know the truth, and you’ve conveniently stopped talking to all of them.
Your parents have great lives too, angrily not speaking to each other. Is that what you Republicans mean by ‘restoring family values’ in America?
No one wants to hear how cute you think you are. You’re cute enough for the drunks at the bar, body 7 face 6, but you’re ugly as hell on the inside.
Similarly, people who are *actually* smart don’t go around telling everyone how smart they are. If you have to tell them, they’re already smarter than you are.
It’s been some months since I had to hear you sobbing into the phone, begging me to tell you that you’re great, you’re pretty, and you’re really not miserable. Maybe if you repeat it loudly enough, often enough, you can convince yourself 90% of the time instead of only 70% of the time. It’s a fine goal for you. For my part, I don’t miss hearing it, and I don’t miss being the one person that cares enough about you to talk you down every couple of weeks.
Honestly, I’d feel much better if you could just somehow be a somewhat decent person. Instead, you’ve become so dreadful that the only “friends” you have left are as fake, petty, and self-edifying as you are. If you want to know what edifying means, you’ll have to look it up, or command your *massive* brain to tell you.
It makes me sad when a person who could so easily seek therapy chooses instead to pursue a life of complete denial. Unfortunately, you’re only fooling yourself.
Please tell your deluded alter-ego that I prefer things between us to remain as they are. I have plenty of imperfect but real friends, and you’re not on the list.
Long-term unemployment
With the economy still in the toilet and job growth still flat, America has millions of people that need and want to work but can’t find a job. Even more manage to scrape by with jobs that don’t adequately provide for their financial stability. Going for long periods without work can be a demoralizing experience, and vast numbers of Americans make so little or have gone so long without steady work that they are no longer even considered part of the work force.
Having so many people sidelined has a tremendous effect on all parts of American life. Governments are strained by the loss of revenue from taxes while simultaneously being asked to outlay more money for public assistance. Families are forced to do with less, and often asked to help provide for relatives that can’t make ends meet. As the economy stumbles on, entrepreneurism and innovation are starved. Available labor sits idle while opportunities are wasted. As debt piles ever higher and peace of mind fades from memory for the middle class, unemployed workers find their dreams deferred, their lives irrevocably altered, and their standard of living in America pushed ever lower.
The wealthy America of our parents’ and grandparents’ generations was built on industry. Minerals, timber, and manufacturing accounted for the vast majority of the wealth produced throughout the history of the word. In most cases, the fabulous wealth of the ownership class also brought regular work for wage workers, albeit not always in the best of fairest of conditions. Industry requires labor, and its need for labor produces wage jobs. The roots of the American worker’s long downward spiral lie in the easy availability of far cheaper labor in other parts of the world. Labor is still required to produce wealth; it is now simply acquired elsewhere.
We’ve all heard about America’s shift to a service-based economy, as opposed to its previous base in industry. But cities – and, coincidentally, governments – only prosper when wealth is generated. Financial markets and mortgage-backed securities notwithstanding, the are only three fundamental ways to create wealth, and they’ve been the same throughout the history of civilization. Wealth can be grown in the form of timber, food, or other agricultural products; it can be assembled, as with a car or iPod; or it can be dug out of the ground. The riches of ancient kings and modern tycoons alike were generated by these three pursuits, often with the aid of slave or off-shored labor. Traditionally, a person may become ‘rich’ in America by being a doctor or lawyer; to be truly wealthy, one must be an industrialist- or part of a family of them.
The owners, the organizers, the capitalists in this paradigm prosper whether the physical work of their industries is performed nearby or at a great distance. Unfortunately, the lower, working classes only benefit from industry when the need for labor translates into local, good-paying jobs for them. Of late, owners have learned that their profit can be greatly increased by using labor in other parts of the world. Let’s face it- it’s expensive to do business in America, where our high standard of living has long been the envy of the world. The shift away from the industrial America of the last century is not a new thing, and there’s now every reason to believe that things won’t be going back to the way they were. Ever.
The obvious question, then, becomes how to maintain our standard of living without the millions of now-gone manufacturing jobs.
Now… what’s on your mind?
Wow, this site will publish almost any rant, from almost any asshole… (blushes) I’m so happy to be here…
focuszone
